The day after

I have been having a real crisis of confidence today. I am not a very confident person anyway and see any advice as criticism which is really not healthy.

This morning I went through the
'I am just too crap to ride a horse, maybe I should give it all up and forget about it'
'Do you think that Trudi will tell everyone how rubbish I was?' (I know she wouldn't)
'Perhaps I am too old to learn any new tricks'
'Maybe Trudi doesn't know what she is talking about and is teaching me wrong' (that was a very fleeting thought)
'What have I got to lose?'

By the time I was finished I was ready to sell Endy and pack my riding boots away.

but

I went to the yard and very unwillingly saddled Endy up for a ride. I had forgotten to write Endy's name in the turnout book for today so he would not have been outside for a stretch. If I hadn't then I don't think I would have ridden today at all.

Once tacked up I took him into the manege and spent 5 minutes playing the following game and making him stop and back away from a hand signal from me, which he did very well.

I then mounted up and did a quick lap of the manege in walk and trot and then went for a hack.

At first I was afraid to have any contact with the bit but that is silly because he was wandering around all over the place and walked along like a drunk and at one point actually turned round to come hom. I am sure that is not what Trudi intended and so I fiddled around with the lightest of contacts until I had some steering but not interfering. I soon realised how to tell what was too much contact as he immediately brings his head up to the giraffe position which is not where I want it to be.

Working on my lower leg position is hard. It feels as though I have my lower leg draped over the front of the saddle and resting on Endy's shoulders. I must have been riding before with my leg way back. In a walk I can keep it in place on the girth but as soon as we trot it all goes wrong and it ends up slipping backwards. I might get some string or something and tie my stirrups to the girth loosely and see if that helps. I kept working on my body position as well. I experimented a lot with my stirrup length and towards the end of the ride I think I have got it about right. My only problem now is that with my leg further forward I cannot keep my knee on the saddle and it keeps falling away. I need to work hard at this.

Not once on the whole ride did we have a fight. He carried his head in a normal position and we did some trotting when he only laid his ears back for about 4 strides and then put them forwards again when he realised that I wasn't going to pull on his mouth.

My goal is to get this lower leg position more natural and to be able to trot without him laying his ears back at all.